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De bakfietsmoeder zonder bakfiets

 

Het is een gewone zondagavond, de kinderen liggen te slapen en man en ik zitten voor de tv. Voorzichtig opper ik datgene wat al een poos door mijn gedachten gaat. “Hoe zou je het vinden als we binnenkort voor een derde gaan?”  Hij kijkt mij aan, en aan zijn uitdrukking valt af te lezen dat hij het geen topidee vindt. Hij vraagt zich dan ook af hoe ik dat denk te gaan doen. Met zijn drukke fulltime baan, mijn parttime baan in het onderwijs, en de zorg voor twee kinderen die nooit lijken te slapen, zijn we beide nog steeds oververmoeid.

Het was niet het antwoord waarop ik hoopte, en het zet mij aan het denken. Ik kan zeker niet ontkennen dat ik na 4 jaar gebroken nachten, op en top fit en vol energie zit. Maar desondanks weet ik toch heel zeker dat ik een groot gezin wil (en natuurlijk weet ik dat ik heel veel kan willen, maar dat het allemaal ook nog maar moet lukken). Het past alleen onder deze omstandigheden niet in ons leven. De combinatie van zorgen voor onze meisjes, werken, het huishouden en een sociaal leven vind ik een lastige. En dat gaat natuurlijk niet plotseling gemakkelijker worden met een derde kindje. Sterker nog het zal het allemaal nog ingewikkelder maken.

En toch kan ik de droom van een groot gezin niet loslaten. Voordat we aan de kinderen begonnen, zag ik mezelf altijd voor mij als een “bakfietsmoeder”. Zo’n moeder die een stuk of 4 kinderen in een bakfiets vervoert, en daar heel veel plezier in lijkt te hebben.  Een moeder die iedere dag verantwoord en vers voor haar gezin kookt. En als een moeder die samen met haar kinderen buiten de wereld ontdekt. En dat alles zonder stress en haast.

Hoe anders is de realiteit. Om te beginnen heb ik geen bakfiets, omdat dat natuurlijk helemaal niet noodzakelijk is met 2 kinderen. Daarnaast ren en vlieg ik wat af, en heb ik toch meestal best wel veel haast en de daarbij behorende stress. Veelal kook ik niet eens zelf, en we eten naar mijn mening toch echt veel te vaak  “makkelijk” . De dagen dat ik vrij ben, haast ik mij ook, om zo snel mogelijk de was, het huishouden en de boodschappen te doen, zodat er nog net tijd over blijft om iets met de kids te ondernemen.

En daar wringt het, ik kan een derde kindje best aan, maar alle drukte en hectiek eromheen vind ik zwaar. Ik heb het gevoel alles ‘half’ te doen. En omdat ik er toch vrij zeker van ben dat een groot gezin het belangrijkste doel is in mijn leven, waar ik het meest gelukkig van word, ga ik op zoek naar manieren om mijn leven beter in te richten. Om alle ballen hoog te houden, en misschien de minder belangrijke ‘ballen’ los te laten . Om alles waar ik waarde aan hecht goed te doen, en om meer te genieten van mijn gezin. Ik ga opzoek naar de balans en naar meer innerlijke rust.  Oftewel naar een lief en simpel leven.

 

 

70 thoughts on “De bakfietsmoeder zonder bakfiets”

  1. Heel mooi geschreven en herkenbaar! Onze derde is nu 15 maanden (andere twee zijn 6,5 en bijna 4,5) en ik moet zeggen dat ik nu ook op een punt ben dat ik echt opzoek ben naar balans en vooral innerlijke rust.

  2. Hier ook zoveel zin voor een nummertje drie. Maalt elke dag door mijn hoofd. Mijn partner heeft het vooral over de praktische kant, vooral naar opvang toe… (waar hij trouwens wel gelijk heeft) En onze uren zijn nu ook niet de beste. Maar toch, het blijft kriebelen. Alleen durf ik er niet te vaak over beginnen uit schrik een negatief antwoord en discussie te krijgen. Vaak ben ik dan ook emotioneel en ik wil niet ‘mijn zin’ krijgen obv een huilbui… Verder mag ik ook niet klagen met 2 gezonde zoontjes, maar toch wil ik nog voor een derde gaan (misschien is het wel een meisje, altijd leuk). Ook al zijn er mensen, in mijn directe omgeving, die heel veel moeite moeten doen om überhaupt maar zwanger te raken en te blijven. Ben ik dan zo egoïstisch? Pfff,moeilijk…

    1. Bedankt voor je reactie. Uiteraard vind ik het niet egoïstisch aangezien ik in dezelfde situatie zit;) Het is een keuze tussen verstand en gevoel en dat is een lastige, en daar zit inderdaad tussen man en vrouw vaak een groot verschil in.

  3. Ik heb vier kinderen, inmiddels allemaal tussen de 24 en 13 jaar oud en ook nog allemaal thuiswonend. En ik zou zeggen, gewoon doen! Volg je gevoel. Misschien kun je een poosje stoppen met werken en anders worden het inderdaad een aantal rommelige jaren. Maar je krijgt er zoveel geluk voor terug…ik heb eigenlijk alleen maar spijt dat we geen zes kinderen hebben..

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